I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
