dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
