i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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