All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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