so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
