My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
