How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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