i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
