the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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