my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
