You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
