i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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