honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
