and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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