I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
