Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
