so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
