Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
