So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
