please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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