I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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