3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
