You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
