You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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