I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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