It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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