My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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