I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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