I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
