I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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