Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
