how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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