Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
