how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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