everyone is single if you try hard enough
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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