i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
