i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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