im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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