Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
