Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
