Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
