WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
