Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
