If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
