remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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