My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
