I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
