people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
