He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
