Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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