while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Alive.
So much puke
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
