i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
