The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
