you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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