i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
