just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
