Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
